Love, Loss , Longing, Love
My Last Tear
Do not deny me my last tear
Though it makes you uncomfortable
You believe I won’t rest in peace
if I leave struggling with death
But it’s your struggle you fear
That you won’t rest in life
Seeing that death is imminent
For you too
If I loved my life
How could I not be sad at the loss of it
If I hated my life
How could I not be sad that I wasted the chance
If I die young
How could I not be sad to leave abruptly
If I die old
How could I not be sad when I finally have come to understand
My body is evicting me
And no court in the world can keep me in my house
The place I’ve come to know as my own
But it never really was
And now it’s so inhospitable
I don’t want to stay but I don’t want to go
If I cry at the story’s end
It does not mean it didn’t make me happy
Nor that you failed me
And if I failed myself
It is my own
Do not deny me my last tear
When I have no strength to move
No words to speak
Of the regret
Of the fullness and emptiness
Of the gratitude and longing
Do not fear my last tear
It is the only way I have left
To say I love you
Holes
It doesn’t like holes
All day the kids made tunnels in the sand
All night the ocean worked , wave after wave to fill it in
You buried yourself in my heart, now you’re gone
But the hole won’t fill in
While we’re alive
I never want this to end and the thought of it breaks my heart. All I can do is
to walk hand in hand, so actively in love with that infinite,
to pay attention to now so purposefully,
to follow the whisper in my breath enough that my heart grows
too full and strong with gratitude for what is
that I can’t be bothered with the pull of my mind to what is not.
This creation is
not for us to conquer and exploit,
not our personal vending machine delivering our daily whims,
not to manipulate into meeting our expectations, nor to judge,
but to fall in love with,
appreciating every day that we get to be a part of it
manifesting its beauty and kindness,
for this brief time, until we are folded back into the soil of its womb.
The thieves are always there ready to steal my chances
to be grateful and happy
to live consciously
Ready to distract me from my purpose
They steal my attention
It’s so easy to distract me
They steal my greatest wealth
Irreplaceable
Time
Moments of life
So many wasted
In fact, I can’t even call it stealing, cause I don’t protect the precious
It happens in the dark, in broad daylight
I don’t realize til after I’ve lost yet more
Lucky for us, there’s always more
Until there isn’t
Knowing My Self
I'm in love with the nothing
When the volume of pain and panic goes down enough that
my body is quiet
When I float above the stormy fog of thoughts enough that
my mind is clear
Then I can hear
The soothing sounds of nothing
Of everything all at once
Then I can see
What's been behind my eyes all along
Then I can taste
The sweet infusion my beloved has prepared me
Steeped himself in the river
That pours over my head and trickles into every thirsty cell of my being
Then I can feel
The nothing that is everything
It's about Love
Not about being the best or achieving my goals or gathering creds
or feigning enlightenment or lowering my blood pressure or mastering the relaxation response or getting the best review or being on the cover or what they think
or feeling the buzz or stopping my mind or stopping your mind
or curing my body or saving the earth or winning the fight
It's about Love
The love that was there before me and will remain after me
The love that makes me do everything and anything
The love that makes it all ok no matter what
The love I longed for before I even knew its name
The love that dreamt you into being
So that I could know
It's about Love, only Love.
I am the short-term embodiment of Life being conscious of itself.
If it chooses to be
And when it chooses to be
It is the greatest love affair
Love letters; to the one who reminds me I’m alive
Si no fuera por ti (If it wasn’t for you)
This could never be enough
Loss would be too great to bear
Love, one endless leaving
I’d be tempted not to care
I’d have to keep on lying to pretend it all makes sense
A day would be a chore- my body an encumbrance
I’d be racing to be something I don’t really want to be
And never feel fulfillment in being here and being me
I’d miss all the kindness of the earth and sky and sea
The romance would be going on completely without me
Instead, I know a peace inside, in spite of all the madness
The whisper in my breath more powerful than the din
Because my friend, you showed me how to go within.
Growing old with you
My vision is fuzzier, but I see more clearly
My joints are stiffer, but I dance more freely
My memory falters, but I remember what’s important
I have less time left, but I know what it’s for
The world may be darker, but I carry more light
My body’s more fragile, but my love’s grown stronger
The Work
Work is an excuse to love people in a practical way
Oh to feel nothing can feel good, if it’s the calm nothing empty of fear, not the numb nothing filled with fear, but to feel nothing you have to be something, because to feel anything you have to be alive.
Survival strategies, internally consistent, like our broken piano that can only be tuned to itself, but will always be out of key and can’t play well with others. So the self-deluded egotistic man protects his wounded child while the others have to tune themselves to his way of being in order to fake harmony.
I Don’t have to be an Angel to get into Heaven
I still think I have to be an angel to get into Heaven! - no not that Heaven after we die, which I don’t believe in, I know Heaven is right here on Earth in our lifetime (I’ve experienced and felt that) but I’m still conditioned to believe I have to be worthy, good enough - no more than that, perfect, exceptional…to merit the joy, the enlightenment, the connection with the Divine…that is simply an experience within all of us- that we don’t have to deserve (we couldn’t anyway) that is just what we really are - destined to feel- if we want to and we are open to it without preconceived expectations and concepts, like I have to be an angel to get into Heaven…ha
Everything’s just trying to live
It can’t help it
That’s our driving force
Cause we’re part of life
Even the ones whose job it is to take it apart; the fungi and bacteria
Even they promote life to go on
In new forms
Even the destructive parts of ourselves
The angry warriors, the desperate runaways, the scared stiff
All trying to protect
Not knowing they’re ok
I need to embrace them all
We humans get a glimpse of the whole, of our part in the whole
Get to fall in love with the love of the giver
The war is not with each other
Nor with Time, the master metronome, scaffolding and dismantling
Nor with Nature, the bosom and hearth of creation
The fight is to keep remembering what is finite and what is real
In us and around us
I make soup
When my friend or loved one is sick
When I don't know what else to do
When the world is cold and cruel
I make soup
When I'm too tired to do something I've never done before
When I'm overwhelmed
When I want to make it better
I make soup
One liner Lenoreisms
What is a heart made of that it can break over and over again and still remain full
When life gives you crap, turn it into compost.
Distraction leads to Destruction
Civil war is an oxymoron. There's nothing civil about it.
The missing piece is the peace that’s not missing at all.
(Looking at the sky) You don’t exist for my pleasure but I find great pleasure in your existence!
There’s no reality check on beliefs, cause they’re not based on reality.
We need a balm not a bomb
Just gotta do the stuff without getting hijacked by that inner kvetch, so we don't lose the inner kvel:)
We can fix what's broken between us, if we know what's whole within us.
You don't need a crystal ball to tell the future, you just need to understand the past
I want to be a therapy dog when I grow up
November is an acquired taste
The fear of suffering sets the stage for more suffering
If not for love, then why
People are for loving, not for judging
May our love be always stronger than our opinions.
You don’t need to have it all, to have it all
Within every angry warrior hides a fearful child
It’s about falling in love with Love, over and over again, in its infinite faces.
If I don't make good choices, I'm left with no choice.
We're so scared of turning into our parents, that we're turning into our parents.
You can grow older but you can’t grow wiser if you don’t grow humbler
Most people are not evil, they are deeply wounded and grossly misinformed.
Be ready, when the rain stops. to look for the rainbow.
I'm worried that I'm not worried about what I should be worrying about
I need to go inside to know what I truly am, I need to go outside to serve what I know to be true, and I need to be with you, my beloved, to remember.
Falling in love is easy, Staying in love is the challenge.
Nothing is the beginning of everything.
Nothing is not nothing.
The snooze button is the devil.
I need just enough deadlines to keep me on track but not so many that I'm eventually stopped dead in my tracks.
Nothing ever happens without a deadline and hardly ever happens by the deadline.
Talk your talk and walk your walk is only the beginning towards truthfulness It's when your talk becomes a song and your walk becomes a dance that you're really living.
What we ignore, if essential, eventually shows up in such a way as cannot be ignored, but often times it’s then too late
Don't let the perfect get in the way of the good enough (didn’t realize this was already a thing)
Politics
2/7/17
You don't have to do what they tell you
You don't have to believe their lies
You don't have to be afraid
You don't have to follow
The emperor really has no clothes
The emperor is sad and lonely and empty inside and has been lying to himself for so long, he can't even remember what's true
The emperor surrounds himself with other empty unhappy people who use him so they can control the world because they're afraid they don't have enough; they can't satisfy their hunger because they gorge on fake food
They convince all the hungry people they will feed them but they never will, and the people give them their power because they don't remember who they are
Remember
This has happened before
If we all Resist, we can stop them
They can divide us if we let them but
They can't take us all on
I will not
I will not fight in your wars
Wars to conquer people and resources to fill your own need for more of what no one really needs
That create more hatred and more racism and more suffering and do not keep us safe and create more wars and then more of the same
I will not believe your lies
I will not turn against my neighbor
I will not pretend this is normal
I will not forget this has all happened before
I will not be fooled by your empty promises
I will not give you my power
The Circus
Hold on fast
The circus of liars has come to town, The Town crier is a liar yelling that everyone else is lying to you
The masters of illusion distract you with their sleight-of-hand, filling your hands with coins as they steal the wallet from your pocket
And the dignity from your soul and a piece of your mind and the peace from your heart